Saturday, September 10, 2005

Can't Costcope

The children persuaded me to go to Costco today. I hate that place. The exit fee is consistently in the vicinity of $200.00 and more than anything else, it's the not knowing what's going to happen to me when I walk through the doors that's upsetting.

Will I suddenly develop a burning need for a gallon jar of button mushrooms? A box of tampons with a population large enough to absorb Lake Erie? A giant holographic Christmas train?

As I walk down the aisle, people in hazmat suits shove lab samples, I mean food, at me. What're those suits protecting them against and why do they insist on handing it to me? And no, I don't need a cubic yard of peaches. I'm not spending more than fifty bucks today! I just want to get in, buy a hundred Slim Jims for child number one, and get out.

But look. Two quarts of maple syrup for $15.99! The Guiness Book of World Records! And this, and that and...

Exit fee: $189.94.

I didn't buy the button mushrooms. But I wanted them.

I can't costcope with this.

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