Monday, September 19, 2005

Gobs and gobs of greasy, grimey brownie guts

While not exactly Susie Homemaker, I do bake quite a bit and am fairly Kitchen Appliance Literate. The children have acquired this genetic talent and tonight they decided to make brownies. Sounds easy enough, right? Except child number one misread the ingredients and added 1 and 1/3 cup of oil instead of 1/3 cup. The mistake became apparent during the mixing process, when the batter took on the consistency and appearance of the tide in Valdez.

No cause for alarm. These things don't upset me. Just dump it out and start over.

The girls would've been fine if I'd stayed at the computer and minded my own business. Unfortunately, I got altruistic and wandered in to help. Why I have these moments I'll never know. Probably latent guilt. But I went in, pulled the mixer out of the sludge and pushed the button to release the thingamabobbers.

Guess I pushed the wrong button.

The thing went on full speed and oily brownie juice splattered everywhere.

Everywhere.

And the more we danced around trying to turn it off - while screaming helpful hints like Turn it off! Turn it off! - the more we got sprayed.

Faces, legs, clothes, purses, sunglasses, car payments - all available counter space. Nothing in the brownie's path was spared. It was like a freakin' movie scene. One that would make me roll my eyes because that would never happen in real life. What a cheap laugh! What a dummkopf of a mother!

But you heard straight from the dummkopf's mouth. It can happen. I know. Because it happened to me.

Now say goodnight, Gracie.

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