All I want for Christmas is a kick-ass blurb

Got the first round of edits handed in, now it's blurb time! Can you see me jumping for joy? The only thing worse than a synopsis, which has to sell your book to one editor, is the blurb. Which only has to sell your book to a billion readers.

Gahhhhhhh!

You know, I don't need fancy chemicals to exfoliate my face. My fingernails will do the job quite nicely.