Friday, January 13, 2006

Sex and The Wireless Keyboard

I've recently moved my laptop from the cushy chair downstairs in the living room back to my upstairs office in an attempt to feel more professional about my writing, clear the downstairs area and exercise my ass once in a while.

I have an old, Steelcase desk that was made in the days before ergonomics, and I immediately started getting a spasm between my shoulder blades from the long hours I spend staring at the screen and tapping the mousepad. In a brilliant stroke, I decided to buy a wireless mouse and keyboard to alleviate the trouble.

I'm typing on it right now.

Do you see the spaces between the words?


Because those spaces are the result of 50,000 hits on the backspace key.

In a word, this keyboard SUX BLUE MONKEY BALLS AND I HATE IT.

All my love scenes look like this: ndthen he sa;d, "Ilove yourass." And shereplied, "Noshitsher;lock."

*bangs headon keyboard andsearchesfor pistol*

As if the spacebar lagtime isn't insult enough, the mouse squeaks like a...mouse. And I paid sixty bucks for this torture!

*deep breath*

I went to my chiropractor the other day--after purchasing this lovely two-for-one-deal. He's a closet geek and besides giving me all sorts of wonderful, pirated software, he gave me this belated advice: For someone who types as much as you do, the wireless keyboard won't work. In tow hours you'll be throwing it out you r window.

*squeak* *squeak* *squeak*

Well, it's been six days and it isn't out the window yet. But do you remember that scene in Jaws when Quint hears the first click on his fishing rod? Great scene. His sidewise glance says it all.

That's how I'm eyeing the power-hammer we've been using to install wood flooring.

Take my advice. Spend your hard-earned sixty royalties on an ergonomic, plastic rolling desk at Staples. *squeak* Or throw it at your chiropractor and help him send his kid to college.

Butdon't buy a wireless keyboard. YOur sex scenes will really suffer.



Blogger Rae said...

I'm sorry I'm laughing over here at your pain, but I'm laughing none the less. Thanks for the advice. I too am struggling to find a place where I can sit down and write. I'm in the living room on my laptop with crap spread all around. I'm easily accessible and I have no place to set up things that I need. My office in the dining room is gone. *sobs*

Maybe this weekend I can clear a space out somewhere. Just so it isn't in the basement with the spiders. *cringes*

January 13, 2006 2:49 PM  

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