Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Spousal Conflicts--how much influence should he have?

**UPDATE** The husband told her to go for it! He now has my respect. I'm sure he'll sleep better knowing that. *gg*. I can't wait to see if I'm right and she sells. You heard it here first, folks!

I know a writer who's been striving for years to get published. She's an outstanding writer. In fact, when I first met her she was so many light years ahead of me I thought for sure she'd get there first.

Yesterday she got her umpteenth rejection and I pointed her to a new, mainstream publisher who I felt she'd have more than an excellent shot with. She wrote back that she couldn't submit to them because her husband wouldn't approve.

Apparently, the publisher's pagan name runs against her husband's religious beliefs. Her husband's. Not hers. This is not a religious publisher. It's a mainstream one. As far as I know it has no ties whatsoever to any religion. It just happens to be named for a pagan harvest ritual (I'm sure you all know who I'm talking about). So, where's the beef?

Am I wrong to think her husband shouldn't have a say in who she submits her romance novels to? It's not like she's selling to Satan's Mark Ltd.

Would you let it stop you?

PS -- would you pagans out there refrain from submitting to St. Martin's? Just wondering.


Blogger Anne said...

Hell no it wouldn't stop me from submitting! It's MY book and my hard work and has absolutely nothing to do with my husband. Also, if he can't support my writing for that publisher, then he won't be reaping the benefits either when the cash stars pouring in. LOL

Yes, I would submit to St. Martin's and probably will do so when the time is right. Why? What's wrong with St. Martin's (other than the fact that they are SUPER picky)?

February 28, 2006 6:26 PM  
Blogger Karen Scott said...

I'm always baffled by women who are so heavily influenced by their hubbies, it just seems wrong somehow.

I really don't think he should have a say as to where she submits her stuff, it's got zip to do with him, and when you bring religion into it, hell I'd be inclined to go the devil worshipping route just to cheese him off.

March 01, 2006 2:54 AM  
Blogger THIS! Christine said...

Eh, relationships are odd things. I guess it depends on how much input (approval) he requires from her before making career decisions.


March 01, 2006 3:14 AM  
Blogger Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Anne--the St. Martin's question was my way of turning the issue inside out. If a Christian can't submit to a pagan-sounding publisher, should a pagan submit to a Christian-sounding one? Just my own little joke. But actually, I find that turning questions around like that makes us see how ridiculous certain beliefs are. *gg*

Karen--couldn't agree with you more. The DH and I never forbid each other from doing things. We're adults, for chrissake and can decide for ourselves.

X--I also agree with you. Relationships are indeed odd things ;)

March 01, 2006 6:24 AM  
Blogger Anna Lucia said...

Yeah, but isn't it just as wrong to say that your husband has "absolutely nothing to do" with anything in your life? Isn't it supposed to be a partnership?

Neither I nor my husband ever forbid each other to do anything. But if he expressed a strong wish for me not to do something, I'd take it seriously.* Why would I want to upset him?

And if he was planning on doing something that would upset me, I'd tell him, and expect him to think twice, or at least compromise in some way. I'd be really hurt to be told it was nothing to do with me, and I didn't have a right to tell him what to do.

We're not talking about a husband forbidding a writer to write. We're talking about a husband with a conscientious objection to submitting to a certain house. We don't have to understand that objection, or think it's right, only accept that he has a right to that opinion. Freedom of speech, remember?

What rights he has to forbid something is up to the wife to decide. Unless we're talking about a seriously unequal relationship with financial embargos or abuse... but I don't think we are.

And, forgive me, but I find the idea of one partner in a relationship having a heavy influence over the other being 'wrong' just as baffling. Isn't that the point? As long as it's mutual, that is.

Eh, I should probably stop now. ;-) Hope I haven't offended anyone! Not my intention at all. Just rambling my way through thoughts...

Now, of course, I'm grinning to myself because you all probably think I'm some downtrodden and submissive wifey who has to apply to her husband for pocket money.

Not so!

I just think that respecting your husband's (or wife's) beliefs is not necessarily a terrible thing, as long as it's mutual.

*Just realised that the only strong wish for me to stop doing something he's ever expressed was his fervent desire for me to stop farting on the sofa. And I've ignored him on that subject for years. *shakes head* I'm such a Bad Wife.

March 09, 2006 9:09 AM  
Blogger Anna Lucia said...

Woah, essay!

Sorry. *rolling eyes* This is what happens when you're trying to write a REally Tedious Report...

March 09, 2006 9:10 AM  
Blogger Ann Wesley Hardin said...

LMAO @ the sofa farting!

I didn't mean to imply that husbands should have no say in any area. Certainly they should, as in any partnership. But this is something that in my opinion falls outside of the partnership. This is work, or personal fulfillment, or whatever and has nothing to do with the marriage.

And Anna, you are always welcome to offend me. Especially if you do it Britishly *gg* It's one of my greatest joys.

Love ya and glad as hell to see you wandering through my blog!

March 09, 2006 9:41 AM  

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