Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Bedtime Stories from Hell

So last night I let the children sleep with me, something I rarely do for reasons that will become clear to you very soon. Of course, this meant the dog had to be allowed into the bedroom too, so she wouldn't get lonely. God forbid.

At 13 and 15, the children are pretty much grown-up sized. So there we all were in my King-sized bed. The biggest bed available in the world has never looked smaller. How did they do it in the olden days?

Anyway. Long about midnight I awaken to a conversation taking place.

Child no. one: Vere du snaftel cidden whopper?
Child no. two: Mim.
Child no. one: Kwafka gibbel dronen.
Child no. two: Propenshitzel underfueher. Where's the bed?
Me: Be quiet!


A little while later...

Child no. one: Gvitzenshuden!
Child no. two: Mim.
Dog starts scratching, licking, jingling...
Child no. one pulls the covers off me and the arctic blast jolts me out of bed and onto the potty.

This continues for two more hours.
Child no. two: Kriggle popsun decens?
Child no. two: mmmftrpmnnnstprofgtsssss.
Child no. one: Mrs. Klein.
Me: Shut up!


A fist gets wedged between my ribs.

3:45 am--more muffled, foreign hollaback invades my dream. The dog takes a sloppy tongue bath, sighs. The covers get pulled off me again.

Me: Stop taking the covers!
Child no. one (popping upright): Why are you yelling at me?
Child no. two: giggle.

The alarm goes off.
Child no. one: This has been the worst night of my life.

Wie sagen sie No shit Sherlock?

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Anonymous Jane/FabDame said...

Brings me back to a certain night at a lakeside condo in Texas, sans the dog but missing the "I'm never taking you anywhere again!" refrain.
Mom, you are a saint!

November 14, 2006 10:42 AM  
Anonymous Heather Rae Scott said...

I can't breathe.

THIS is why I love you!

November 16, 2006 12:19 PM  

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