And the Living is E-Z
July 13th: tubing down the Delaware with the girls and friend. Swollen river. Dangerous. Four feet above normal. We come to white water and child number one wants to get off tube and explore a tributary. Uh, NO! She'll get pulled under and swept to Trenton, where we'll find her limp, lifeless, blue body. Hmmmm. What's she doing over there. Standing in knee-deep rushing water? Ok. Let's do the tributary.
Swollen, evil river sucks us helplessly and relentlessly toward a massive tree branch lying in the middle. I envision tubes deflating, flailing death, parental lawsuits, or at least mongo $$ replacing torn tubes. We try to paddle away. No dice. The ropes holding our tubes together become entangled in the branches.
No prob. I have a cool head in emergencies. *inner scream* I lift the ropes, tree rotates. A ziploc bag surfaces on one of the branches. We float free.
"Catch it! Oh, it dropped," yells friend.
Child number one screams, "There's a twenty in it!"
I see the bag drop into the deep and sink. Instinct guides my hand and I pluck it from a watery grave.
Child number one rips it from my hand and claims it. We struggle. I consider my previous vision of her blue and lifeless in Trenton. Hey! There's money involved here!
Ultimately, I let her unzip the sandwich bag because I'd rather be in Iraq than fight a teenage girl for anything--even money. Call me old but that's just the way it is.
She counts it. Fifty one dollars. FIFTY ONE dollars! It pays for our day, and ice cream to boot!
July 15th: Bastille Day celebration at the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia. We take a tour of the then state-of-the-art prison, which utilized the new psychological concept of solitary confinement so wrong-doers would have time to think about what they did. This punishment--known as the Time Out--still exists today and definitely works better with toddlers than grown-ups. Adults displayed a tendency to go crazy and the system was soon abandoned.
Anyway, while we were there the sky clouded over and giant thunderclaps shook the loose plaster on the crumbling walls of the ruins. Talk about moody! After the tour we went out to the street festival where a giant guillotine had been constructed and a recreation of seminal moments in the French Revolution was about to start.
After a few cheesy and somewhat hilarious miscues, Marie Antoinette was summarily thrust to the top of the prison battlements where she mocked the crowd and told us to eat Tastycake. Two thousand Twinkies were then catapulted off the roof and into our hungry, peasantly hands. We sang the Marseillaise and beheaded Marie.
It was so. much. fun.
The Ray Ban incident: remember a few blogs back I'd decided to ditch cheap shades in favor of a new pair of Bans? Remember how wounded I'd been because my second pair broke within days of purchasing them? Remember how it emotionally scarred me for fourteen years?
I bought my third pair. They broke. I am now ruined for life.
And that's my summer so far. How's yours?