Sunday, February 24, 2008

Red Eyes and Armrests and Kidneys Oy Vey!

That was me last night, only instead of that hand smashed up against the window, picture my face.

Now, red eye flights aren't bad, really they aren't. Time sort of gets suspended in the ink of night, moves faster, and there's this weird sort of blending of the two days together. For instance, when I got home it still felt like I hadn't crossed the imaginary dateline into February 24th.

But, oh the humility!

I sat in the emergency row for more leg room, and it worked out well because there was an empty seat between me and my row mate. But what I didn't account for -- had no way of knowing, in fact -- is that like the last row, the seatback is pretty much locked into upright position. Why, I'll never know. You'd think it'd provide more space for passengers to leap onto the wing to their deaths, I mean, safety. But I'm not an airline design engineer.

The other thing they don't tell you in the massive contract you have to sign in order to even occupy that seat, is that your arm rest will consist of this little blob of plastic positioned perfectly on the fuselage to dig into your kidney if you try to lean on it to sleep.

Still another thing they don't tell you is that the armrest isn't big enough for any non-mutant arm that I've ever seen. So it's impossible to actually use it to rest your arm and prop your head on the kitchen sponge, I mean pillow, they give you.

And yet another thing they neglected to mention is that unless you're anorexic, or on your way home from a death camp or something, there won't be enough room to wedge your body between the tiny armrest and seatback, thus moving it out of range of your kidney.

But other than those things, and the man two rows back coughing up mucus all night, and the guy one row up sneezing non-stop, I had a good flight.

Until reaching the skating rink, I mean parking lot, and finding five inches of ice on my car...

Pictures to follow -- without red eyes!


Anonymous Bev Stephans said...

Welcome back. We missed you. Can't wait for the pictures.

February 25, 2008 3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annie! You should do a post on best airplane-themed movie. Of course, the winner would be Flight of the Phoenix. The original, 1965 version, with James Stewart and Richard Attenborough, not the lame 2004 version.


February 27, 2008 8:48 AM  
Blogger Ann Wesley Hardin said...

It would be so hard to choose one! Memphis Bell, Fate is The Hunter, Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines *gg*.

Great idea, DIP. I'll put it on my To Be Blogged About list.

February 27, 2008 2:07 PM  
Blogger Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Bev, I'm still waiting for the pics!

February 27, 2008 2:07 PM  

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