Saturday, April 05, 2008

Isn't She Lovely -- So Many Kinds of Love

Yup, that's one of my soul sistahs. I'm lovin' her today.

And it's funny. I was supposed to do some research for FabDame this weekend, but Denali's problems distracted me from my duty. I apologized to FabDame and she told me, "If you hadn't taken care of Denali first, I'd have been mad at you."

This lead to a discussion about an animal's affect on us. I'm so glad she understood (I knew she would).

I mean, I've been strong for FabDame -- factual and scientific (okay, while deeply, psychologically distressed inside, as witnessed by my posts here) but still, holding steady in public. Ya know? Successfully pretending to be normal. In public. Ya know? Except for that misdirected anger...

Anyhow, when Denali got sick, I shattered. At work. With the ex. Crying on the phone. Both of us. My co-worker actually turned away and stopped talking to me. It was a bad, bad moment. My boss, God love her, looked at me with these gorgeous eyes she has (you have to see them to believe them) and smiled this kind smile, and I had to run to the bathroom to compose myself.

What is it with animals? I think it's the vast purity of emotion they possess for you, and their complete dependence on you. If I hadn't taken Denali to the vet, she might have died. But she would've died loving me. Even if I hadn't helped her.

And that thought breaks my heart in a way no human ever could.

Of course, humans can break my heart. But not like that. I mean, FabDame is perfectly capable of crawling to the hospital if she has to. She can turn on a faucet to get water -- even if she has to struggle to reach it. She can call for help and someone will listen. If I coldly ignored her, she'd hate me, wouldn't you, FabDame? Not that I would. Unless you piss me off...

I had a moment with Denali in the hours while we waited to go to the vet. She had lain down on her bed, on her side and hadn't lifted her head. I was getting cereal in the kitchen.

Do you remember the death scene in Terms of Endearment, when Deborah Winger turns her head and looks at Shirley MacClain? Denali turned her head and looked at me exactly the same way. And something inside me shifted forever in that moment.

I'm so glad she's here. I'm so glad FabDame is here. I love them both so much. In such different ways. And there's nothing, nothing I tell you, that can ever, ever destroy that love.

It's lovely. It's pure (except if FabDame pisses me off). And it's eternal (except if FabDame pisses me off).

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Blogger Laura Deerfield said...

Oh, yeah - I went broke saving my little guy when he got hit by a car, and didn't even hesitate to do it...and yeah, he can slay me with a look.

April 06, 2008 1:09 AM  
Anonymous Bev Stephans said...

Dogs do that to us! It's why I never got another after our dog died. I couldn't go through it again.

Even if Fab/Dame pisses you off, you'll be there for her. You don't fool us!!!!

April 06, 2008 3:17 PM  
Blogger Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Laura, the last couple of days have emphatically proven how easy it would be to go broke for this dog. Ay carumba!

Bev -- you know me too well. Time to switch back to my real personality. Heh.

I ended up taking Denali to the ER today. She's stable, but not out of the woods. Vet thinks she might have Rocky Mt. Spotted Fever, or some other tick borne disease. Of course, the other possibilities are lymph blockage of some kind, or cancer.

She's got this monstrous, black, old lady bruise down her leg. Pitting edema, the vet said.

What's baffling all of us is, as the vet said, "Look at her. She's obscenely comfortable. She could be a very sick dog but she doesn't know it."

It's just so weird and distressing.

April 06, 2008 9:31 PM  
Blogger Lyn Cash said...

The photos you've posted of Denali are precious - she's such a wonderful friend.

Glad she's on the mend. *sniff, sniff*

April 07, 2008 1:13 PM  

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